Wow, have the last two months been full. Back in August I felt that God was putting a certain child in my heart. It hit a point to where I nearly couldn't breath when the thought was there, it was so powerful. This came right about the time that I started the Women and Children in Crisis class and when I signed up I didn't know why I was in the class because right now a three week trip to Thailand wasn't possible with two three year olds, one having been home only six months. It finally hit a point that I was so full of this feeling that He was putting in my heart I had to sit down with my husband. At first my husband was not on board. But a few days later he told me to try to find her file and see what happened. If God was putting this on my heart we needed to see where it went.
We contacted a wonderful agency BAAS to look into it for us and I contacted those I knew in China that knew about her status. Finally in February it sounded like her file should be at CCAA. Then the first week of March came and I started hearing rumors that children placed on the shared list had to be placed with a family who possessed a LID. I contacted our China Coordinator and she did some checking and let me know it was not yet set but was on it's way to being the new policy and advised us to get started on our dossier. At this point we hadn't started because we thought we could do it once we were matched. I totally understand how CCAA needs to do what they can to get children home to their forever families as quickly as possible and I do agree with the new policy, however, it really stunk for us because we had received notice again that her file should be at CCAA and should be released anytime. So a lot of prayer went into what to do next and we really felt God was telling us to get our dossier done. So at lightning speed we had everything done and had our I800A application to USCIS on April 9th.
This then began a rough month for me. My heart was so committed to this little girl (I had had a false positive pregnancy test in January and when they told me I was pregnant, it was the first time I had ever had one come out positive, I cried and it wasn't tears of joy but tears of confusion about what God had planned for our family). So the next shared list came out on April 19th and then I received a message to call our China Coordinator. I knew deep in my heart what she had to tell me. When I called her back I could feel her compassion for us through the phone. She called to tell me that the little one I loved so much had been on the shared list that night and that another agency had locked her file. She did everything she could to try to work it out for us but the rules were set and could not be bent. At that very moment as I talked to her something came into my heart that told me she wasn't meant to be ours but that there is another little girl out there that needs us and has been planned as part of our family. Another wonderful feeling came over me that the little one we have watched grow for more than a year and a half would soon be in the loving arms of her forever family, and that is what HE has always planned for her, she beat the odds and was one of HIS Miracles only because HE said it was to be so. I felt really good about it even though I have to admit I cried a quick tear and then moved on, very anxious to see the picture of who He is sending us for as soon as possible.
Now the enemy has been working on me big time over the last couple of weeks. I contacted our coordinator a week after her file was locked to see if it had become available again and it had not. I began to wonder if I was hearing the Lord or my own desires when we began to look for her file. I began to doubt our ability to come up with the funds needed by the time we travel. Up to this point we had been able to pull out of our savings but that only gets us as far as getting DTC and then we have travel expense to prepare for. The doubts just kept coming at me and I couldn't move them aside. But things have changed today. I am certain that we need to get our dossier finished and sent off. He has a treasure out there that needs a mom and dad and we are a family that can't wait to be there for her.
So now, our dossier minus our I800A approval is in the air on it's way to our coordinator, finger prints have been completed a week early and hopefully we will be DTC before the end of the month. At the beginning of this third journey to our child a great bloggy friend told me when He gives you a vision He provides provision. We have got to trust him to bring this all together and be His hands and feet. If He says go we must go, if He says hurry we must hurry. I know the enemy has been defeated, we do not have doubt about what the Lord has planned for us. All doubt has been washed from us as we put our dossier in the mail with our remaining agency fees.
"Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am God. I will strengthen you, Yes I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
We would love for you to lift us up in prayer that our fundraising goes well. We have a HUGE yard sale coming up in a couple of weeks and we have been blessed by so many who have donated to our yard sale. I can no longer park the van in the garage because it is so full. My husband thinks we have become the thrift store we have so much stuff but I have great hope that this will give us some of the much needed funds to bring our little girl home. The only other yard sale we had brought in a little under $150 a few years back but I have this feeling that this one will be an amazing God sized success. I vowed I would never do another one after the last experience but when He says get moving, you move.
I would also love for prayer of healing as I am suffering from a terrible cold a few weeks in the making. It hit full force yesterday as I became completly overwhelmed with what He is calling us to do. I know the enemy has worked on my body and my mind trying to weaken me. I am rebuking the enemy and pray for healing and strength. Thank you Jesus, for your unconditional love, even when I doubt things, You are there holding me up.
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